Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
