ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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