I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
