So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
