peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
