Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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