Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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