We named our party play list daddy issues
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
