It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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