Having a random hookup so left but love u
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
