He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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