You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
