I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
