I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
