you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
