Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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