Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
