Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
