he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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