do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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