hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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