I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
