Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
