I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
