Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
