It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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