Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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