He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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