Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Found the puke drawer
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
