My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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