Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
