Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
