I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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