Your face is a jimmy john
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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