he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
