dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
