oh god the rape fog is back!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
