He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
