He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
