I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
