I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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