my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
