Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
