Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Buhtt sex?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
