I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
