good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
