if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
