fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's shark week go big or go home
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
