Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
