Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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